Well, not really. But I've been following my keyboard to other green pastures. I can't help it. They're so pretty....
I was over here talking politics and relationships, and why they totally suck.
And then I was talking about the holidays and why I'm so happy to be celebrating them single. It mostly has to do with NSYNC and Best Buy, but there are other reasons, too.
And then I was hangin' with the DC Princess and we discovered that Farmville may cause your significant other to leave you for an Asian girl. No, really...
And lastly, my future ex-wife and I created a Tumblr page together, titled FrickinGinger. If you follow her and/or me on Twitter, you'd know that it's a hybrid of our names. So basically, it's our love child. Check her out. She's pretty.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Human Rights, the Marriage Act, and Why One has Nothing to do with the Other
Note before reading: This is long. It is about human rights and marriage, and was written by one of my high school friends who is gay. Maybe it's just me, but I found this to be a much more open-minded and realistic perspective than what I'm used to hearing when the topic of "gay marriage" is brought up. I don't think it's extreme or obnoxious or hateful, I think it's real and could actually happen and make a positive difference. Basically it makes me really happy for him and I wanted to share this with everyone and hear what you have to say about it. So please, take a few minutes to read and share your opinion in the comments. Also, you can read his personal blog here.
It should be noted that I am no more in favor of gay marriage than I am straight marriage. I think both are different sides of the same yawning chasm created when two people attempt to come together as one. But since this subject keeps coming up around me and brought to my attention by people who don't know any other gay people or who think I am the only gay person in their immediate vicinity I figured I should put my complete thoughts down here and just start passing out business cards with this blogs address on it.
I find it amusing when these people expect me to start gushing about how metropolitan and modern they are when they tell me they support human rights and gay marriage, thinking these are one and the same, and then become horribly confused when I don't agree. They all have the same wrinkle between their eyes as they immediately begin to reconsider their position on the subject sure that if a gay man doesn't agree then they must have lost a vital piece of information somewhere along the way and are, in fact, on the wrong side of this rainbow flavored fence.
Their first question always being "but don't you support human rights?"
The answer is of course yes, I support human rights but wonder when being able to marry someone became a human right?
I think marriage is a question of social, legal, and religious norms and the decision of two people to pursue. The fact that two men don't have the legal system backing up their decision to perform a spiritual ritual that symbolizes the consecration of their decision to become as one doesn't necessarily scream "human rights violation!" to me.
I support the right to live and love openly as well as the rights to speak, write, and think for myself and without interpretation or interruption by the state or any other governing body. But the basic rights guaranteed me and agreed upon in many different lands and in many different ways can be summated by life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The first two being innate states of being that can no more be violated than a person is willing to allow and the last being the pursuit of a goal. Not the attainment of such.
I believe that is the difference between a human right and a personal decision, which is what I believe marriage is whether it is between a gay man and his lover or a straight woman and hers. Again it is the lack of legal backing to anchor the decision between two gay men which organizations like the Human Rights Campaign and others would have you believe is a violation of your rights as a human being.
They do this because it sounds much better in a rally or on a poster than "Hey! You two don't have a legally recognized marriage license!"
If the marriage act means anything to either man than the lack of this license should be irrelevant.
Never mind the fact that I've never met a happily married couple that was liberated from anything more than their personal freedoms now that they are legally obligated to tolerate each other.
I believe marriage itself is a failed social and religious institution whose day came and went during the height of the cold war.
It does nothing to benefit either party when legally enforced and in fact it is the addition of these explanatory laws which I believe are responsible for the dissolution of the efficacy of the marriage act. Not the gay mans desire to share in it.
Wasting time and money on a fight to secure this legal option for gay men and women is just that.
A waste.
There are much larger social milestones still to be dealt with and I have to seriously wonder at why so much attention and focus is being given to such a frivolous topic.
What about defining a family?
Gay adoption?
Public tolerance?
Public perception?
AIDS?
Hate crimes legislation?
All of these issues require constant forward momentum that is disrupted when another battle cry goes out for the legal option to marry.
I think in this bandwagon quest to obtain that option we have lost sight of some very important questions that we cannot ignore or discount simply because we are discussing what is being wrongly labeled and hailed as a Human Rights issue.
Why do we want to be able to be married to one another?
Is it simply because it is denied us?
Is it because as a collective minority we truly desire to be legally wed?
Is it because we want to advance the agenda of normalizing homosexuality by adopting heterosexual trademarks of relationship status?
When did that become our agenda?
Is that our agenda?
Is that your agenda?
Do you have a hope or agenda for the greater collections of gays as a whole?
Or are you simply going along?
Why do you personally want to be married?
Do you think it will make you feel more normal to be married?
Do you think you will feel more married if it is legalized?
I think it’s a grim and revealing commentary on the human condition that we do not recognize a union as socially legitimate until it is legally sanctioned.
That we need a judge, a courtroom, and a handful of lawyers to make one another responsible for the promises we have made each other when those promises inevitably and subsequently fail to materialize.
Why do we want this so badly?
At the rate couples are being divorced one could almost say we aren't fighting for the right to be married but rather the right to have a divorce.
How sad we put so little faith in faith and our own words of honor.
I think in fighting to obtain this legal right the human rights propagandist have made two crucial mistakes.
The first is their gross underestimation of the influence the conservative religious right has on public opinion even when dealing with individuals who may feel ambivalence on the subject.
By continuing to usurp and adopt the heterosexual and religious vocabulary when it comes to marriage the human rights propagandist continue to poke this proverbial hornets’ nest and draw the ire and scorn of the Christian nut bags whose sole talent, it seems at times, is to wax nostalgic and at great length about the good old days when marriage was considered sacred and only between a man and a woman.
There is no opponent, I think, as seditious and vociferous as a man who believes he is right because he has god on his side.
The second mistake being that even now the human rights propagandist are moving this from the religious arena and into the political arena of human rights.
They're attempting to confuse and redress the issues image every time it comes under attack and by doing so they lose support of otherwise intelligent people who would be willing to entertain a conversation about granting these legal rights to gays but who have now given their support to its enemies out of spite for having their intellects underestimated.
This is still a young issue and one which is floundering for an anchor and a solid identity that can withstand not only open scrutiny but attack from people who have no concept of what it means to think for themselves, i.e. Christians.
I think rather than being grand and sweeping we ought to reevaluate not only our motives for wanting marriage but our tactics for drawing support from the people best able to grant gays this ridiculous request.
The American people.
Furthermore what I would like to see from a group of people as uniquely intelligent and creative as the gay community is an attempt to make this issue our issue. A gay and lesbian issue, not a religious issue, not a human rights issue. I don't want to be "married" that's what heterosexuals do and from all available evidence they don't do it extremely well.
I want a unique and improved institution we have created for ourselves. One that might succeed where conventional "marriage" has failed.
Let's adopt or adapt existing laws to validate what we create and for Christ sake let’s stop being so willing and eager to be conformist sheep.
Let the heterosexuals keep their religious vocabulary and their failed institutions
Let us do what we are best at and create something new.
Something that wasn't there before.
Support gay marriage if it’s something you have decided you want.
Otherwise start thinking about what it means to be joined in that way and what you'd like it to be called, what you'd like it to mean.
Let’s start thinking for ourselves.
It should be noted that I am no more in favor of gay marriage than I am straight marriage. I think both are different sides of the same yawning chasm created when two people attempt to come together as one. But since this subject keeps coming up around me and brought to my attention by people who don't know any other gay people or who think I am the only gay person in their immediate vicinity I figured I should put my complete thoughts down here and just start passing out business cards with this blogs address on it.
I find it amusing when these people expect me to start gushing about how metropolitan and modern they are when they tell me they support human rights and gay marriage, thinking these are one and the same, and then become horribly confused when I don't agree. They all have the same wrinkle between their eyes as they immediately begin to reconsider their position on the subject sure that if a gay man doesn't agree then they must have lost a vital piece of information somewhere along the way and are, in fact, on the wrong side of this rainbow flavored fence.
Their first question always being "but don't you support human rights?"
The answer is of course yes, I support human rights but wonder when being able to marry someone became a human right?
I think marriage is a question of social, legal, and religious norms and the decision of two people to pursue. The fact that two men don't have the legal system backing up their decision to perform a spiritual ritual that symbolizes the consecration of their decision to become as one doesn't necessarily scream "human rights violation!" to me.
I support the right to live and love openly as well as the rights to speak, write, and think for myself and without interpretation or interruption by the state or any other governing body. But the basic rights guaranteed me and agreed upon in many different lands and in many different ways can be summated by life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The first two being innate states of being that can no more be violated than a person is willing to allow and the last being the pursuit of a goal. Not the attainment of such.
I believe that is the difference between a human right and a personal decision, which is what I believe marriage is whether it is between a gay man and his lover or a straight woman and hers. Again it is the lack of legal backing to anchor the decision between two gay men which organizations like the Human Rights Campaign and others would have you believe is a violation of your rights as a human being.
They do this because it sounds much better in a rally or on a poster than "Hey! You two don't have a legally recognized marriage license!"
If the marriage act means anything to either man than the lack of this license should be irrelevant.
Never mind the fact that I've never met a happily married couple that was liberated from anything more than their personal freedoms now that they are legally obligated to tolerate each other.
I believe marriage itself is a failed social and religious institution whose day came and went during the height of the cold war.
It does nothing to benefit either party when legally enforced and in fact it is the addition of these explanatory laws which I believe are responsible for the dissolution of the efficacy of the marriage act. Not the gay mans desire to share in it.
Wasting time and money on a fight to secure this legal option for gay men and women is just that.
A waste.
There are much larger social milestones still to be dealt with and I have to seriously wonder at why so much attention and focus is being given to such a frivolous topic.
What about defining a family?
Gay adoption?
Public tolerance?
Public perception?
AIDS?
Hate crimes legislation?
All of these issues require constant forward momentum that is disrupted when another battle cry goes out for the legal option to marry.
I think in this bandwagon quest to obtain that option we have lost sight of some very important questions that we cannot ignore or discount simply because we are discussing what is being wrongly labeled and hailed as a Human Rights issue.
Why do we want to be able to be married to one another?
Is it simply because it is denied us?
Is it because as a collective minority we truly desire to be legally wed?
Is it because we want to advance the agenda of normalizing homosexuality by adopting heterosexual trademarks of relationship status?
When did that become our agenda?
Is that our agenda?
Is that your agenda?
Do you have a hope or agenda for the greater collections of gays as a whole?
Or are you simply going along?
Why do you personally want to be married?
Do you think it will make you feel more normal to be married?
Do you think you will feel more married if it is legalized?
I think it’s a grim and revealing commentary on the human condition that we do not recognize a union as socially legitimate until it is legally sanctioned.
That we need a judge, a courtroom, and a handful of lawyers to make one another responsible for the promises we have made each other when those promises inevitably and subsequently fail to materialize.
Why do we want this so badly?
At the rate couples are being divorced one could almost say we aren't fighting for the right to be married but rather the right to have a divorce.
How sad we put so little faith in faith and our own words of honor.
I think in fighting to obtain this legal right the human rights propagandist have made two crucial mistakes.
The first is their gross underestimation of the influence the conservative religious right has on public opinion even when dealing with individuals who may feel ambivalence on the subject.
By continuing to usurp and adopt the heterosexual and religious vocabulary when it comes to marriage the human rights propagandist continue to poke this proverbial hornets’ nest and draw the ire and scorn of the Christian nut bags whose sole talent, it seems at times, is to wax nostalgic and at great length about the good old days when marriage was considered sacred and only between a man and a woman.
There is no opponent, I think, as seditious and vociferous as a man who believes he is right because he has god on his side.
The second mistake being that even now the human rights propagandist are moving this from the religious arena and into the political arena of human rights.
They're attempting to confuse and redress the issues image every time it comes under attack and by doing so they lose support of otherwise intelligent people who would be willing to entertain a conversation about granting these legal rights to gays but who have now given their support to its enemies out of spite for having their intellects underestimated.
This is still a young issue and one which is floundering for an anchor and a solid identity that can withstand not only open scrutiny but attack from people who have no concept of what it means to think for themselves, i.e. Christians.
I think rather than being grand and sweeping we ought to reevaluate not only our motives for wanting marriage but our tactics for drawing support from the people best able to grant gays this ridiculous request.
The American people.
Furthermore what I would like to see from a group of people as uniquely intelligent and creative as the gay community is an attempt to make this issue our issue. A gay and lesbian issue, not a religious issue, not a human rights issue. I don't want to be "married" that's what heterosexuals do and from all available evidence they don't do it extremely well.
I want a unique and improved institution we have created for ourselves. One that might succeed where conventional "marriage" has failed.
Let's adopt or adapt existing laws to validate what we create and for Christ sake let’s stop being so willing and eager to be conformist sheep.
Let the heterosexuals keep their religious vocabulary and their failed institutions
Let us do what we are best at and create something new.
Something that wasn't there before.
Support gay marriage if it’s something you have decided you want.
Otherwise start thinking about what it means to be joined in that way and what you'd like it to be called, what you'd like it to mean.
Let’s start thinking for ourselves.
Friday, November 13, 2009
MTV's Jersey Shore. Oh. My. God.
Listen, MTV. I'm willing to accept that you no longer fit the bill as Music Television and have reached into the realm of desperate, douchebaggery, knocked up at a ridiculously young age reality tv, which I do happen to watch religiously. However, after reading about your latest stunt, I'm declaring a national emergency.
MTV's Jersey Shore will air December 3rd and profile the "hottest, tannest, craziest Guidos" all in one house. I would embed the trailer video for you, or you could just click here to watch it. All you really need to know is that it consists of a lot of "if you're a hater, I've got a full time job for you" and a girl who claims she "invented this friggin poof." Insert BumpIt joke here.
Oh, and I'm not even kidding about any of this. This is really happening, and yes, I'm declaring a national emergency against the Shore of New Jersey. That being said, I'd like to call forth everyone in uniform to prepare for attack. This includes armed forces, members of the military, national guard, peace corp, police men, fire fighters, veterans, parole officers, psychiatrists, postal workers, leader dogs for the blind, girl scouts, cub scouts, pizza delivery guys, UPS workers, construction workers, astronauts, catholic school girls, Merry Maids, bus drivers, and chef's to join together and put forth a movement to separate the Jersey shore from the rest of the United States of America. Long live the Guido... on an island far, far away.
December 3rd cannot come soon enough. Expect recaps. You're welcome.
MTV's Jersey Shore will air December 3rd and profile the "hottest, tannest, craziest Guidos" all in one house. I would embed the trailer video for you, or you could just click here to watch it. All you really need to know is that it consists of a lot of "if you're a hater, I've got a full time job for you" and a girl who claims she "invented this friggin poof." Insert BumpIt joke here.
Oh, and I'm not even kidding about any of this. This is really happening, and yes, I'm declaring a national emergency against the Shore of New Jersey. That being said, I'd like to call forth everyone in uniform to prepare for attack. This includes armed forces, members of the military, national guard, peace corp, police men, fire fighters, veterans, parole officers, psychiatrists, postal workers, leader dogs for the blind, girl scouts, cub scouts, pizza delivery guys, UPS workers, construction workers, astronauts, catholic school girls, Merry Maids, bus drivers, and chef's to join together and put forth a movement to separate the Jersey shore from the rest of the United States of America. Long live the Guido... on an island far, far away.
December 3rd cannot come soon enough. Expect recaps. You're welcome.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
TMI Thursday: Papercuts.
I'm fashionably late and incredibly busy, but at least I remembered it's TMI Thursday. After going through my reader. Get off me.
This morning when I got to work I had to go #2 really bad, so I went in the bathroom and there was no toilet paper. Except I had already taken care of business. So I had to use the paper towel from the dispenser, which isn't even paper towel, more like extra thin sheets of printer paper, and I think I gave myself a paper cut.
We'll see what happens.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Freakin the freak out.
I'm done with my job at the end of the month.
AT THE VERY LATEST.
AT THE VERY LATEST.
Which means I could be done by the end of the week, depending on when the new girl is ready.
End. Of. The. Week.
Wanna know how I feel?
Except not about bacon. I don't even like bacon.
Wanna know how else I'm feeling?
If you didn't catch the hints, I'm freaking out a little.
However, there are a few small perks to what I'm choosing to do that never fail to calm me greatly:
Working from home.
Self Discipline.
And no pants days.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Arf Arf.
Yesterday kicked off the start of NaNoWriMo, and I'm pleased to announce that I already have about 3,000 words. I have a feeling I'm going to max out at about 4,500 words, but we'll see. I'm thinking positive and this is a really fun exercise.
That being said, I really am going to bust my ass to get at least a 50,000 word novel done by the 30th of November, so I might be blogging less since my brain is going to fry itself before I know it.
Either that or I'm going to run far, far away because we're currently dog-sitting my stepmom's stepmothers dog, a bishon frise who is spoiled rotten and socially retarded, and I'm not making any guarantees that I'll survive the week.
All kidding aside (except there was no kidding in that last paragraph) I'm going to leave you with the list of directions she left us on how to care for the dog while she is gone. Of course she had to actually READ us the directions and re-enact everything that needs to be done as well. That didn't go over so well.
My stepmom: Does he have a dog bed to sleep in?
Her stepmom: Ohh no, in fact since J*** (my dad) is going to be out of town all week, he'll probably want to sleep in the bed with you and he can keep you company!
Dad: How the hell is he gonna do that when he's locked in a crate in the garage all week?
Her stepmom: *blank stare*
My dad is so charming.
Cody's Care
1) Medicine - Sunday November 1. 1 heartworm pill, he'll take it right out of your hand.
2) If he's crated - please nothing in crate. NO bones.
3) Feeding - leave food out all day and night. Suppertime - 1 cup dry dog food mixed with 1 package mixables. Or 1/2 cup dry dog food mixed with 1 slice natural balance cut into slices. Note: Keep natural balance in fridge.
Alternate between the 2 combinations. He probably won't eat it all at once. Leave it out and freshen up the next day.
4) Treats/snacks - limit to 2 per day.
5) Human food he eats - piece of cheese, crackers, dry cereal, carrots, all in small amounts. NO TABLE SCRAPS.
6) Potty time - he will whine or stare at you to go outside. Seems after supper he goes out every hour or so. Later he goes before his bedtime, around 9:30/10:30. He will also need to go out first thing in the morning.
7) Commands he knows - sit, get down, ahh-ahh (translation: she means uh-uh), wait (he'll stop and wait for you, then give him the next command, OK), get your leash, wipe your feet, down, lay down, stay, bye bye, ride, walk, I'll be back, be a good boy.
8) Leash walking - Use the short blue leash to walk close to you - hold leash lower, on first knot next to his head. Say "walk nice." Use the light blue long leash to let him run in the yard (with someone out there). Tell him to go potty. Use the heavy long leash to tie him up outside. Note: He doesn't like to be left outside without someone out there with him (he's a people dog).
9) Brushing - brush and comb hair daily.
10) Eye cleaning - wipe his eyes with saline solution and cotton ball a few times a week.
Play with him lots and enjoy him, we hope he won't be a bother for you.
Thank you so very much. We really appreciate you taking care of our little Cody.
P.S. (From Cody) Auntie A**** - If for some reason I have an accident in your house I am so sorry. I didn't mean it. Thank you for watching me. Love, Cody ... arf... arf...
Yep. Arf arf.
People are weird.
That being said, I really am going to bust my ass to get at least a 50,000 word novel done by the 30th of November, so I might be blogging less since my brain is going to fry itself before I know it.
Either that or I'm going to run far, far away because we're currently dog-sitting my stepmom's stepmothers dog, a bishon frise who is spoiled rotten and socially retarded, and I'm not making any guarantees that I'll survive the week.
All kidding aside (except there was no kidding in that last paragraph) I'm going to leave you with the list of directions she left us on how to care for the dog while she is gone. Of course she had to actually READ us the directions and re-enact everything that needs to be done as well. That didn't go over so well.
My stepmom: Does he have a dog bed to sleep in?
Her stepmom: Ohh no, in fact since J*** (my dad) is going to be out of town all week, he'll probably want to sleep in the bed with you and he can keep you company!
Dad: How the hell is he gonna do that when he's locked in a crate in the garage all week?
Her stepmom: *blank stare*
My dad is so charming.
Cody's Care
1) Medicine - Sunday November 1. 1 heartworm pill, he'll take it right out of your hand.
2) If he's crated - please nothing in crate. NO bones.
3) Feeding - leave food out all day and night. Suppertime - 1 cup dry dog food mixed with 1 package mixables. Or 1/2 cup dry dog food mixed with 1 slice natural balance cut into slices. Note: Keep natural balance in fridge.
Alternate between the 2 combinations. He probably won't eat it all at once. Leave it out and freshen up the next day.
4) Treats/snacks - limit to 2 per day.
5) Human food he eats - piece of cheese, crackers, dry cereal, carrots, all in small amounts. NO TABLE SCRAPS.
6) Potty time - he will whine or stare at you to go outside. Seems after supper he goes out every hour or so. Later he goes before his bedtime, around 9:30/10:30. He will also need to go out first thing in the morning.
7) Commands he knows - sit, get down, ahh-ahh (translation: she means uh-uh), wait (he'll stop and wait for you, then give him the next command, OK), get your leash, wipe your feet, down, lay down, stay, bye bye, ride, walk, I'll be back, be a good boy.
8) Leash walking - Use the short blue leash to walk close to you - hold leash lower, on first knot next to his head. Say "walk nice." Use the light blue long leash to let him run in the yard (with someone out there). Tell him to go potty. Use the heavy long leash to tie him up outside. Note: He doesn't like to be left outside without someone out there with him (he's a people dog).
9) Brushing - brush and comb hair daily.
10) Eye cleaning - wipe his eyes with saline solution and cotton ball a few times a week.
Play with him lots and enjoy him, we hope he won't be a bother for you.
Thank you so very much. We really appreciate you taking care of our little Cody.
P.S. (From Cody) Auntie A**** - If for some reason I have an accident in your house I am so sorry. I didn't mean it. Thank you for watching me. Love, Cody ... arf... arf...
Yep. Arf arf.
People are weird.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I smell skunt.
Skunt = skank + cunt. Thank you, JP.
By now the anonymous problem here is a little less anonymous.
My blog post from the other day wasn't so well received by some stupid skanks because it was about, well... stupid skanks.
First, I received this comment from anonymous. Wait, anonymous isn't as fun to type here. Let's give her a name... let's call her Pooch. Plain and simple. So, Pooch said this:
I would be totally with you on this except for I saw your pics from DC and I now know you are the fat, bitter, dressed-like-one-of-the-Duggar kids kind of girls that hate the fabulous ones. Im pretty sure in one of those pics you where wearing a long jean skirt......ummm yeah, no sweetie! In the words of a ghetto fab girl, dont hate us cause you ain't us!
Back to studying for my mid term tomorrow and online shopping for blue patent leather pumps.
I, as well as all of my readers, along with all of the western hemisphere are better than her, so a few of us just left her a short, to-the-point response.
Lexa: Oh the ever dickish Anon. I love how the internet makes everyone so brave. I am happy to report our hostess does not dress like a Dugger and she is, in fact, one of the fabulous ppl. Also, to compare her hair to that of a duggar is just a crime.
Sidenote: Lexa, you can pet my hair any day.
Me: oh how cute anonymous, but i don't remember even owning a long jean skirt. um, no sweetie! good luck on your midterm and i'm sure you can find a pair of blue patent leather pumps at wal-mart! bite my balls and thanks for reading.
I was going to just leave it at that, but then Pooch returned with a response worthy of a Golden Globe... or maybe a Darwin Award. Except she's not dead yet.
Umm ok but your still fat and I am not. I also buy my shoes from Bluefly, do you know what that is? No? Dont worry, most middle class people dont, its not your fault your not trust fund like I am. Oh and we dont have any Walmarts in NYC, Im sure there are plenty in Detroit (ew) where you (obviously) have scoured the clearence section. And I never said anything about your hair, I actually like it. Have fun in the suburbs!
Alright. Let's break all this down from the beginning.
I would be totally with you on this except for I saw your pics from DC and I now know you are the fat, bitter, dressed-like-one-of-the-Duggar kids kind of girls that hate the fabulous ones.
No, you wouldn't be totally with me because you are a stupid skank and therefore do not have good taste in music. Do I need to continue to elaborate on this? You made yourself clear by just being you.
Also, I am fat so I hate her and am jealous of her. Everyone got that?
Im pretty sure in one of those pics you where wearing a long jean skirt......ummm yeah, no sweetie!
Don't ever accuse me of wearing a long jean skirt.
In the words of a ghetto fab girl, dont hate us cause you ain't us!
Ghetto fab, huh? Helloooooo field day. Well, I Googled "ghetto fab" and this is the first photo that came up:
Found here.
By now the anonymous problem here is a little less anonymous.
My blog post from the other day wasn't so well received by some stupid skanks because it was about, well... stupid skanks.
First, I received this comment from anonymous. Wait, anonymous isn't as fun to type here. Let's give her a name... let's call her Pooch. Plain and simple. So, Pooch said this:
I would be totally with you on this except for I saw your pics from DC and I now know you are the fat, bitter, dressed-like-one-of-the-Duggar kids kind of girls that hate the fabulous ones. Im pretty sure in one of those pics you where wearing a long jean skirt......ummm yeah, no sweetie! In the words of a ghetto fab girl, dont hate us cause you ain't us!
Back to studying for my mid term tomorrow and online shopping for blue patent leather pumps.
I, as well as all of my readers, along with all of the western hemisphere are better than her, so a few of us just left her a short, to-the-point response.
Lexa: Oh the ever dickish Anon. I love how the internet makes everyone so brave. I am happy to report our hostess does not dress like a Dugger and she is, in fact, one of the fabulous ppl. Also, to compare her hair to that of a duggar is just a crime.
Sidenote: Lexa, you can pet my hair any day.
Me: oh how cute anonymous, but i don't remember even owning a long jean skirt. um, no sweetie! good luck on your midterm and i'm sure you can find a pair of blue patent leather pumps at wal-mart! bite my balls and thanks for reading.
I was going to just leave it at that, but then Pooch returned with a response worthy of a Golden Globe... or maybe a Darwin Award. Except she's not dead yet.
Umm ok but your still fat and I am not. I also buy my shoes from Bluefly, do you know what that is? No? Dont worry, most middle class people dont, its not your fault your not trust fund like I am. Oh and we dont have any Walmarts in NYC, Im sure there are plenty in Detroit (ew) where you (obviously) have scoured the clearence section. And I never said anything about your hair, I actually like it. Have fun in the suburbs!
Alright. Let's break all this down from the beginning.
I would be totally with you on this except for I saw your pics from DC and I now know you are the fat, bitter, dressed-like-one-of-the-Duggar kids kind of girls that hate the fabulous ones.
No, you wouldn't be totally with me because you are a stupid skank and therefore do not have good taste in music. Do I need to continue to elaborate on this? You made yourself clear by just being you.
Also, I am fat so I hate her and am jealous of her. Everyone got that?
Im pretty sure in one of those pics you where wearing a long jean skirt......ummm yeah, no sweetie!
Don't ever accuse me of wearing a long jean skirt.
In the words of a ghetto fab girl, dont hate us cause you ain't us!
Ghetto fab, huh? Helloooooo field day. Well, I Googled "ghetto fab" and this is the first photo that came up:
Found here. That was easy! I don't know why everyone is so bothered by anonymous comments. All it took was Urban Dictionary and a Google Image search to find out our anonymous gem is named Pooch and looks like... that. It's like a Glad Hefty garbage bag filled with Bisquick. Don't hate 'cause you ain't, Aunt Jemima!
Anypooch, continuing on with her response to mine and Lexa's comments:
Umm ok but your still fat and I am not.
I is? Me is fat and you is not? Your right. Your skinny, your hot, and your probably fried to the point of looking like beef jerky. Your a winner winner chicken dinner! Your so rich and cool.
I also buy my shoes from Bluefly, do you know what that is?
Bluefly? The site with designer clothing at discount prices? Yes I know what that is.
No? Dont worry, most middle class people dont, its not your fault your not trust fund like I am.
Trust fund? Really? Then why aren't you sitting in a private lounge in the back of Neiman Marcus with a private shopper doing your work for you? If I had your luxurious life I wouldn't be shopping amongst the rest of the societal sheep, and you bet your "garbage bag filled with bisquick" ass I wouldn't be shopping on a site that sells DESIGNERS at DISCOUNT PRICES to cater to us ::gasp:: middle class ::gag:: residents who are not stupid enough to buy them at MSRP (that means manufacturer's suggested retail price. Big words, I know). Blasphemy!
Oh and we dont have any Walmarts in NYC, Im sure there are plenty in Detroit (ew) where you (obviously) have scoured the clearence section.
First of all, come to Detroit, stand on 6 and John R in your blue patent leather heels, and say "ew." See how long it takes you to get shanked. You might even make a few bucks in that outfit if you manage to NOT BE MURDERED.
Also, Michigan has 43 Wal Mart locations. New York state has 55. You really never do leave your imaginary upper east side apartment, do you? Maybe you should move your Sims to a new neighborhood. Culture them. Teach them that Wal Mart sells more than just walls, despite what Paris Hilton says.
And no, I didn't get my imaginary long jean skirt on the "clearence" rack at Wal Mart, if I were to even own a long jean skirt, I would have bought it at Costco. I'm kinda pissed you don't know that, it means you're not a faithful reader.
And I never said anything about your hair, I actually like it.
You're damn fucking right you like my hair. I like your strappy white shoes. I'm assuming you got them on Bluefly.
Have fun in the suburbs!
Thanks? I don't really know what to say to that... is it supposed to be an insult? I currently live on 10 acres of land so I wouldn't consider myself much of a "suburbanite." More like a "hillbilly." You just gagged, didn't you? Ugh, my dad even owns a hay business on the side! Ugh, we have tractors! Ugh, a barn! Ugh, my neighbors have roosters! Ugh, there are horses! Ugh, we lives in a restored farmhouse! Ugh, grass! Ugh, you guys have bonfires? Ugh, where's the nearest Saks?
I could go on all day, but no one can do it justice better than you guys (those of you that don't deserve your vagina's to be torched). I'll leave it to you:
PQ says:
Dear Anon, Please pick up your face out of the trash so you can see what you're typing. Or does Hooked on Phonics not work for trust fund babies?
LiLu says:
Dear Anon, Insults work much better if you know how to spell, shit for brains. "Your" a total cuntsicle.
Luv,
LiLu
Rachel said:
Hey anon. you wouldn't need bluefly if you really were trust fund. Clearly you fell down in those hooker spikes you're wearing and bumped your little head on the concrete. Too bad your vag is probably rotting out and Daddy's gotta donate to whatever school would take you so that you can appear to be a functioning member of society. Keep your opinions to yourself. Like you said, don't hate us cause you ain't us. Ginger is badass.
Just A Girl said:
Anon,
Hi, you're a fucking bitch. Bragging about being a trust fund baby says, "I have no usable skills unless you count the ability to fellate illiterate douchebags in the bathrooms of clubs." As my darling Lemmonex said, "the most low class thing in the world is to talk about money."
So you've already showed us that you're classless, but by posting anonymously, you've also showed that you're chickenshit too. If I were ever going to say the things you just said (which I wouldn't, because I'm not a snatch), I would have the guts to put my name on it.
Shine said:
I can really only gather that Ms. Ghetto Fab Anon is an illiterate, bitter, gutless bitch. Good luck on that midterm. Hope your professors don't check spelling or grammar.
PithyComments said:
Hey Anon,
I hear Jon Gosselin is single and he's already used to that hot-dog-down-a-hallway feeling, so you'd be perfect for him! Plus, I'm sure you already have the matching Ed Hardy shirts in your closet.
Toodles!
Dysfunction Junction said:
Get bent. Thanks for ruining Bluefly for those of us out here who like fashionable shit at reasonable prices (SORRRYYYY, my "trust fund" hasn't quite kicked in yet).
And about that "trust fund" thing: Blowing douchebags in bathrooms and saving the $5 they give you afterward is not the same thing as a trust fund. Just a helpful hint. So, thanks for playing and you can promptly fuck off.
Does it get any better than that group of bitches right there? I don't think so.
Oh, and then I pissed off another anonymous. I'd assume it was the same one, but this one at least formulated slightly more of a coherent sentence. Oh, and this one needs a nickname too, we'll call him Pughdaddy just because it goes well with Pooch.
What! You wouldn't know Pantera if Phil came and fucking bit your nipple off and spit it in your face. And don't ever, ever put down Journey. You should just fucking find a water filled ditch and lay in it. good blog btw.
I'll assume anyone who refers to the lead singer of a band by their first name is a creepy old man whose "never too old to rock" days are long gone. Sorry you didn't make the team, bro. And if you would have squinted through your bong cloud and read my disclaimer at the end, you'd be aware that I love many of the bands I listed in the "stupid skank" category. I love Journey. I love Bon Jovi. I love ACDC. However, they are very popular, and therefore stupid skanks know their music quite well after years of being overplayed in bars. I don't think that's worth lying in a ditch for, but if you're really that old and bitter you should holla at Kevorkian. He'll do it quick and painless Grandpa.
Bite my balls you cowardice twats, and to the rest of you who never fail to jump in with your wit and charm just as you're needed.... THANK YOU. I love you all. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm busy being middle class.
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